"Optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable."
i don’t know how to successfully quit smoking because i’ve never done it before (although i have tried & failed), but there’s so many reasons for my needing to do it. firstly, i don’t want to be the anomaly that gets a life-threatening illness after smoking for 2 years. that would be a horrible spiral of regret, realizing too late that the habit i’m using to ease anxiety ended up killing me at 30-something. not worth it. also, i have issues with money & debt. specifically handling money responsibly & dealing with debt responsibly. it doesn’t help that i have $60-80 less a month because of cigarettos. not worth it.
so…quitting. on the other side, it’s calming & comforting. it has an odd bonding element when it comes to friends of mine who smoke. shared vices are a good, fast way of connecting with someone. so that’s a deterrent to quitting. but i can’t let it be for much longer. i’m kind of adopting the theory that if i start fixing things in my life, it will become easier to fix other things. i think that makes sense, but also hope it’s not the complete opposite. like i’ve been holding myself together in part because of the comfort of having a cigarette or thinking about how i’m gonna have a cigarette in a little bit.
i also don’t know if it helps or hurts that i started when i was 27. that means it hasn’t cemented as much as if i’d been doing it for 10 or even 5 years. but it also means i’m the kind of person that would rail against something most of my life & then make that thing a routine part of my life. in other words, i don’t have a whole lot of integrity.
but, the point is quitting! i’m going to try it. again!