up so early
4 work in 2+ hrs. contemplating drugs (i’ll probably hold off..).
x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Its emotionally conflicting and difficult not being ab asshole. If I were an asshole I could make clean, easy incisions on romantic relationships and that would be it. Instead, my wild empathy keeps me from doing that. There’s the girl I was just recently with, who I never really felt that connected to, but grew to care about in a platonic way & who is confused & confusing about what ending s relationship entails. Then there’s the girl I was with years ago, and with whom I was the one who couldn’t for a long time transition into a friendship.
So now I occasionally talk to and see recent lady, and its awkward, because I don’t know what she wants out of our friendship; I’m worried that by hanging out with her at all, im unintentionally communicating something. And I also occasionally see from-6-years-ago lady, and don’t know what’s the function of our relationship, but for completely different reasons.
Knowing people is hard when I don’t know how to know people right.
I loved making poorly-made captioned screenshots, but there are such good ones (not to mention amazing .gifs) all over th’tmblz, it feels like a wasted effort. Part of me still wants to make them occasionally though as I’m going through the Venture Bros. and Parks & Rec. and there are many capturable moments.
I want to post more in general, but I’ve been primarily internet hibernating (or, more accurately, hiding & peeping) for awhile. For instance, at some point this month, I need to write a post about my relationship with/to religion. An awesome suggestion (hello, person-with-a-face!) I regretfully ignored by way of forgetting about (sorry, p-w-a-f!).
Either way, I definitely plan on eSocializing more this year. I miss it. I didn’t set out to make new year resolutions, but it kind of happened naturally, new years being huge reminders of the insane whoosh of time(/life) passing.
p.s. why is tumblr capitalizing things for me? but doesn’t seem to be doing it now? ok.